FB has turned all of us braggarts and liars. It no longer was a platform where you can express yourself freely without judgment because your friends' list has ballooned so much that you are even friends with someone just because you were from the same hometown and yet have not said a word to each other in real life. You are even friends with your bosses.
Having all these friends, one can never really post how he hates his boss, or how happy he is because he won the lottery (balato ninong, hahaha), because they are not really friends who would understand and not judge.
Then there's the endless complaining about anything, me being guilty on this types of posts. I don't like reading it in my timeline, so now I refrain posting about rants and complains, because really, I bet only few of my friends felt what pain really is and what pains are worth complaining about, so I tend to hate those kinds of posts, and I don't find them acceptable if I were a member in the Complaints Board
What's really wrong about me is that I tend to post the opposite, blogging about the negative feelings I have, as if all about my life is gloomy. People then hypothesize that I am Depressed. Guess what, I am just depress-depressan.. hahaha
I don't know why it takes effort for me to blog about happiness, it feels like bragging and coating again. But I do have happy points in my life too. But most of it was when I was young and naive and innocent about life's hardships, cruelty and pretensions. That's why I like posting about my childhood and my family because that's the happiest things in my life.
Back to my FB account deactivation. One last reason I closed it was because at that time I was very happy, having a new boyfriend and all, I kept posting subtle but obvious 'what's on my mind' thing' and I liked the reactions and attention I got from my friends (in real life) but there other friends (only in fb, we dislike each other in real life) who I did not want to know and pry on my life. So, I closed the account.
See? I couldn't even post happy posts eventually, because I can't control who I want to be friends with because I just have to accept friends requests at most times because refusing seems so rude, even online.
In my HS yearbook, I posted in the "quote to live by" section, that's right below my name and picture, "Your Primary Responsibility In Life Is To Be Yourself".
I have an issue with being myself. I do not like to pretend. I am good and bad at it depending on the situation. I am bad at lying and pretending to my mom. I cannot contain anger. When I hate someone, she/he will know. But when I really, really like someone, in an I-love-you-let's-get-married way, he will never have an idea. But if it's just a passing crush, I tend to get obvious. I cannot stand plastikan. If there's a bet on it, I would definitely lose. I like in your face deadmahan if we dislike each other. <maldita mode> But I try my best to be courteous and polite specially to the elders and try to have conversations when I am in an awkward situation where we are not really that close yet somehow there's the need to have a conversation.. because I am friendly.. hahahaha I hope a lot would agree.
And so I try my best to be true to myself and to my audience as well. But I am only human (kung si KC pa, babae lang ako....) I am sure I would sugar coat here and there.. >J<
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