More Patience to the Patient

My life is difficult as it is. I wish I never have to say this. I wish I wouldn't be treated in ways that would stress me emotionally. I wish all people around me, specially those who are close to me would effort to make me feel better and not worse that it already is even without the additional stress.

I know I can be a bitch to someone sometimes. And God knows how I feel bad whenever I say hurtful words back to that person, because after all I love him. Would give my life to him. When we have a fight, I get to wonder would it be a better thing if I die already to free those around me of the burden of taking care of me. Then I cry and feel sad for myself thinking maybe it is a better idea, me dying, so that I won't be anyone's problem anymore.

I feel like I'm not wanted anymore whenever I am treated like crap. It makes me wonder if I deserve it because I am being a total bitch or does he need more patience and respect for me? 

I do not understand why a person in his position could take off and leave me. It's like he's leaving me to die. I mean, am I that evil for someone like him to not understand me? After all, he's the only one I got for a _____. 

It hurts even more to wonder the thought that if he cannot love me unconditionally, no one will.

Maybe that is why no one is loving me unconditionally other than my parents. Too bad those other people who loved me unconditionally have long passed away. Mommy Liling, Daddy Boy and Blink.

But I am still breathing, so I am still hopeful one day things would change. 

Maybe I should be the one who has more patience and understanding towards him.

I am just at the point of my life where I am so tired of understanding and being patient to everyone.

After all, I am a Patient.