Heaven Knows

I didn't have a good night sleep last night. I took hemostan before dinner because it feels like I am hemorrhaging down there but after a while my left arm starts to feel a little numb and when I was about to sleep I was having the minutest chest pain. I know it was nothing, it shouldn't be anything because I have experienced something like it before and nothing happened. But nonetheless, it freaked the shit out of me.

Lying there in the dark, I was scared I'd have heart attack or something and would not wake up the next day. Then I think I couldn't die yet because I have not blogged all the things I needed to say, specially to my mom, dad, and bever. I have not done all the things I still want to do or experience, and my soul, my soul, I have not done everything that would somehow give me peace that I would meet God and Jesus and not someone sinister when I leave this world.

As if death could wait until I am ready.

And then I start to regret why I always procrastinate things I should have been doing already. Me of all people should know how to spend my days wisely. But I don't. My circumstance may have changed, but I am still the same old me inside. The dark side of my character is something I really hate and I am trying to change it. My temper among other things, is something I need to deal with or else my slot to heaven will be as slim as Madam Ana's.

I woke up having to do business in the bathroom, then I realize I survived the night. I woke up! So I thank God for another day, another chance at life with the hope, this time, I am going to make it right, then went back to sleep (because as I said, I had a sleep-less night).

But I lost control of my temper again minutes after waking up again. And when my anger and frustration boils down, I regret having gone through that strong emotion. It just drains me out.

I wish for so many things that I may need 100 genies to grant me 300 little wishes.

Right now I will just have to bite my tongue.

That's all for now. I thank you. Bow.