Sunshire No More

It's hard when a person is going through a rough road and there's no one she can turns to for help, advice or just someone to walk the mile with, even if she just be on the stony path and the friend on the smooth side.

It is harder still when you know for a fact that there are a lot of people wanting to see you break down, to reap everything what's left of you even if you have been robbed in the past. It's like, some people just could not bear to see even a glimmer of happiness in you despite being in a dark place. They just want to see you at your lowest, not feel good about yourself, so they can tell themselves how better off they are than you are.

Whenever I am down like this, when what little happiness is taken from me, I feel really hopeless and ungrateful of what I have and all the more wishing I could sleep, maybe induce some coma, so I could forget and not think. And just let time pass by without taking it's toll on my emotions. Maybe that's the reason why I have been sleeping a lot lately again, taking iterax for dreamless sleeps.

It's even so tempting to take more iterax than I should at times. But I wouldn't because I am one big coward. When I am hurt, I like to hurt myself more, finding power and the feeling of being in control. I often think of slashing a vein somewhere just to see it bleed and just to feel some pain, pain that I cause to myself and not by somebody else. But I guess I am really that big coward, I just won't do it. Like many things, I just think about it. Everything happens in my mind.

So now I am left to sort this out again by myself. No friends to talk it over with because, hell, we all live in a perfect world now. Well I think they are, and damaged pieces like me have no place in their perfect little worlds. So it's just me and my problems now.