Nothing More Than Feelings

I was having this conversation yesterday during my dialysis and,  like in most conversation about life, i come up with realizations about my views, thoughts and perceptions about life and about myself.

So yesterday I realized how my actions and whole being and my social interactions is directly related to how I feel to that person, to that circumstance. Mostly how I act and how I succeed and perform my duties is based on my relationship with that person or my feeling at that particular moment in time.

Ex. 1. If I hate my teacher, that subject would be my lowest grade for that semester
      2. If my bestfriend and I had an argument, I won't go to school the next day
      3. If I am annoyed with C, I won't cook our meals at all
      4. If I am stressed/annoyed for a long period, my body shuts down (hello hospital)
      5. When I hate you, I hate you. If your my friend, i am fiercely loyal, and you can abuse me. *bad*

For most of me, I am who I am because this is how I was raised. I can freely show my feelings, whether love, hate, forgiveness, annoyance, because of my training at home when I was young. At home, every dinner, or while watching tv, my mom, along with my dad, and bever, they make me enumerate everything that happened in school, including crushes. My mom tells me, there's nothing she hates more than not knowing what I am up to and then hearing it from somebody else. So all the time, I try to do only the things that I can tell to my mother, I try as possible to keep nothing from her. But of course, like any kid, teenager, and woman, there are things we don't tell. And these things I don't tell my mother, are things I know that are wrong. haha!

Being transparent of my feelings is a gift and a curse. A gift because I rarely have regrets in terms of telling people how much I love them when I had the chance because I always have said love when I had the chance.

Sometimes being transparent is a curse, because people will know if they annoy me. I am rarely plastic, and when I have to pretend we are okay, it's the hardest acting I have to do in my life really. I hate it when I had to pretend about how I feel, to stay calm when I am really angry. But I flare up sometimes. And it stresses me out.

But I am never scandalosa. Sometimes I wish I am, that would be pure drama! hahaha. But I am not, I try getting back subtly, like making that person more green with envy with my happiness and I don't care what you think about me attitude.. As someone posted on FB: BE HAPPY IN FRONT OF PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE YOU......IT KILLS THEM!

In the end, I try to make a happy nest and keep a harmonious relationship with the people I interact with everyday because that is the only way I thrive. I thrive in happiness, peace and honesty.

The Rules

Just like every household, ours have specific rules and regulations that we must follow. As a kid, some of these rules I find hostile and has no justice at all. Hahaha... But now as an adult, I realized how important those rules are and I thank God that my parents strictly imposed them on us.

So here are some of the rules we were to follow:

1. No talking on the phone beyond 5 minutes because important calls cannot go through.
           This was when cellphones are only seen and used in spy movies. I hate this a lot because my bestfriend Mae and I have so much to talk about (after being together the whole day), about our day in school. And I hate this even more when a crush calls and wants to telebabad and I had to hang up. Bummer!

2. No rough playing or else I'd skid my legs.
           Hey! They don't look nice anymore today okay, so please don't make me feel awkward than I already feel by checking on them when you see me.

3. Never backride on a passenger motorcycle (for safety reasons).

4. Ride only on family/cousin driven motorcycle (Conservative si Pader).

5.Apologies are rarely accepted. Sorry has little or no value.
            To make us learn to be always careful, to think before doing/deciding/talking anything.
             Mom hates "sorry"s because it actually encourages carelessness to the kid since he knows that a simple "sorry" fixes the fault and he will be forgiven. If we make mistakes, we actually have to explain how and why it happened ad admit our clumsiness and convince her that it will never happen again.
         
6. The Dress Code
            I am not a fashionista. I have to be clear on that. I am even baduy at times. hahaha... But when I was young, there are certain dress code I had to follow, and of course up until now. They were simple and basic, but make no mistake committing a dress code or else, you get a "panget kaayo ka" remark from the Boss herself. So here are the dress code imposed:

             a. Never pair a printed top with a printed bottom. (even at home)
             b. Always color coordinate (even at home)
             c. Never go out of the house in PJs or pambahay even if it's just a run to the street's store.

7. For as long as I remember they have always made me wear shoes. So much that my childhood friend calls me Barbie (for my Barbie shoes). Believe it or not I never owned a pair of slippers before Havaianas came into the market. Maybe that's why I am allergic to generic rubber slippers. hihi

8. Never spitefully speak  back to mom and dad or else.... you get a slap. hahaha.
          I am sure dad will not slap  me but mom will. But it never happened because I bite my tongue when I am reprimanded or am wrongly accused and I get very angry (inside)... But I speak back, only in a calm and justifying tone.

9. Never ask the value of someone's thing or salary because that would be rude and improper.

10. Never buy something valuable without mom's knowledge.
                 This is why I never learn to buy clothes for myself because always, always, mom buys it with me. Because she has better taste than I have, and of course, she has the money. haha

That is all I remember for now. And that's a piece of my childhood laid out.