ESRD (End Stage Renal Failure) changed that. And even I could not believe how I managed to adapt this attitude and way of thinking in a snap. But I know I had to. Even back then, it stuck in my head what Mandy Moore said in A Walk To Remember. She said "I do not want to be angry with God. God has better plans for me than I have for myself". And also this personal plea to God I made when I passed the board exam, saying "God, if my plans will make me a bad person, then by all means, take it away. Your will be done."
With this at heart, it did not really hurt or I wasn't really angry when the things I thought was best for me was taken from me. Separation anxiety yes, but I think my faith is far greater than I think it is. Maybe that's why I am able to breeze through my situation with a smile because I realized early on that there are things that are out of our control.
I learned to be patient. I learned to let go of unnecessary feelings (this was hard, but I think I should say I am learning, haha). But there are things that are hard to change. I am still feisty. And I still get annoyed when someone/something bugs me.
But I also learned to appreciate and recognize God's everyday little miracles in my life. Blessings I noticed before I got sick, but seldom do I say "Wow, you're my angel", like a direct gift from God.
My angels are in the form of friends. Old friends, new friends. I am glad I have them all.
My old friends, I love them and keep them close to my heart because they are the living proof that I am a nice person, contrary to popular notion. hehe.. They are like walking diaries of me as a person too. They are like sisters or cousins that you grown up with and just have that special bond.
Friends truly are angels. They help me out with getting on with my daily life. I have to admit I need others to help me through with my days, be it doing the grocery, just someone to talk to, taking care of me when I get sick, and others help me out with my medical needs.. (For a time, a lot of nurses were my angels too. I truly did appreciate their kindness and friendship to me. But a witch strayed some of them away. hahaha.. )
I got inspired to write this piece because, admittedly, we are tightening our belts now with our finances, so it's such a blessing when a family friend donated a week's worth of dialysis fee, then some family members handed out medical supplies for over a month. That's already a huge help! And these helps always come in the time when we really need it.
So I just really want to thank these people even through this blog and let them know how grateful i am with their thoughtfulness.
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