Everyday Miracle

i find it ironic how i pray that one day i wake up well and realize all the years i was sick was just an extended bad dream but i don't believe that a miracle like my kidneys getting well is possible but i believe and in awe of the miracle of having a supportive family and loving friends around me and help make my life less difficult and despite losing some of the things i want for myself, sometimes gracefully, other times bitterly, I still think I am blessed and loved and have no deep regrets. I question some things but i just hold on to the fact that God would never give me anything I cannot handle.

I am feeling melancholic today because of the passing of some patients who have become my friends and my companions over the years I am on dialysis and truthfully their deaths makes me question my own mortality and it's as if life is showing me the many ways I will die in this world. 

What I wish really is to die peacefully in my sleep, but God please give me more time to live and be with my family. I know being with God is the best thing to happen to anyone but right now I still want to live a bit more so that my family won't be sad about not having me anymore.

Which now makes me think of how I am living my life. I really have to change my way of living now. Will have to devote my thoughts and actions to my faith because really, I have the time to prepare my soul to go heaven. I have this chance. I must change now the way I see things, to prioritize what is important in life. I must make everyday count and not waste it anymore on things that don't really matter.

one thing i really want to change about myself is my fascination with material things. I am not materialistic, never was. but i am human, and a woman at that, and there are few things i want to have for myself, things that are not necessary but want them anyway. but these petty things, things i know that are not essential are the things that makes me feel bad about my situation. Wanting is evil because it makes 

me discontented with what or where i am right now.

But dear Lord, please bless us with prosperity and good health. that's really what i pray for the most. Life is so vurnerable and I dont' want anymore problems aside from what we already have.

Dear Lord, please guide us always and keep us all from harm.