Nothing More Than Feelings

I was having this conversation yesterday during my dialysis and,  like in most conversation about life, i come up with realizations about my views, thoughts and perceptions about life and about myself.

So yesterday I realized how my actions and whole being and my social interactions is directly related to how I feel to that person, to that circumstance. Mostly how I act and how I succeed and perform my duties is based on my relationship with that person or my feeling at that particular moment in time.

Ex. 1. If I hate my teacher, that subject would be my lowest grade for that semester
      2. If my bestfriend and I had an argument, I won't go to school the next day
      3. If I am annoyed with C, I won't cook our meals at all
      4. If I am stressed/annoyed for a long period, my body shuts down (hello hospital)
      5. When I hate you, I hate you. If your my friend, i am fiercely loyal, and you can abuse me. *bad*

For most of me, I am who I am because this is how I was raised. I can freely show my feelings, whether love, hate, forgiveness, annoyance, because of my training at home when I was young. At home, every dinner, or while watching tv, my mom, along with my dad, and bever, they make me enumerate everything that happened in school, including crushes. My mom tells me, there's nothing she hates more than not knowing what I am up to and then hearing it from somebody else. So all the time, I try to do only the things that I can tell to my mother, I try as possible to keep nothing from her. But of course, like any kid, teenager, and woman, there are things we don't tell. And these things I don't tell my mother, are things I know that are wrong. haha!

Being transparent of my feelings is a gift and a curse. A gift because I rarely have regrets in terms of telling people how much I love them when I had the chance because I always have said love when I had the chance.

Sometimes being transparent is a curse, because people will know if they annoy me. I am rarely plastic, and when I have to pretend we are okay, it's the hardest acting I have to do in my life really. I hate it when I had to pretend about how I feel, to stay calm when I am really angry. But I flare up sometimes. And it stresses me out.

But I am never scandalosa. Sometimes I wish I am, that would be pure drama! hahaha. But I am not, I try getting back subtly, like making that person more green with envy with my happiness and I don't care what you think about me attitude.. As someone posted on FB: BE HAPPY IN FRONT OF PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE YOU......IT KILLS THEM!

In the end, I try to make a happy nest and keep a harmonious relationship with the people I interact with everyday because that is the only way I thrive. I thrive in happiness, peace and honesty.