Weekend Melancholy

Today is Saturday, and I am feeling melancholic.
Just that, right here, right now, i wish to be doing something out there at the park, strolling, watching people pass by, instead of being here at home, staring at this screen, writing about what i want to do and not actually out there acting it all out.

I am tempted to post WANTED FRIEND on Facebook but that would be too pathetic of me. And people are quick to decide i have a pathetic life.

I long to connect to someone who likes to be with me. Who enjoys my company. And Im not even thinking of a boyfriend. just a friend. Who would lend me some happiness and joy. Some feelings that I dont have to generate by myself.

I could take my dogs out. But they are for too energetic than me that i wont be able to keep up with them.

I just want to go to the park.

And talk. About a lot of things. About life, love, meaning life and existence, about death, about God.

I remember those many afternoons and nights, with different people, at different times of my life where we'd sit there in one of those benches, and just talk and talk and talk. It's like being in a little secret cave where everything else move and you and your friend are in a frozen dimension.

I love that feeling. When nothing seems to matter. When you are aware that the world is moving simultaneously somewhere as yours seems to be frozen.

That moment when you are on a busy street and  you look up to the sky and see it's a full moon and then you marvel at its beauty, and wonder if other people in the city notice that very beautiful scene just hanging above them.

I miss obsessing someone. I miss pouring out love and affection to someone. I miss having someone dote on me.

I am Sandy. I am invisible.

Antibiotics: A Friend And A Foe

It's that time of my life again, when I have to take antibiotics.
The last multi drug cocktail i  had was when I was still starting medications when i got diagnosed with IgA Nephropathy about 5 years ago, which was not a pleasant experience at all.
I thought I was going crazy, sitting upright takes too much effort and the nausea.. uh, that dizzying feeling that I can't understand whether to throw up or hold it down.
Sleep was my refuge, it's the only thing to do really.

Fast forward to today, I again am ordered to take this 3 combo antibiotics to fight off some nasty bacteria somewhere. And the old feeling is back again. The only good thing about this time is I am aware of its sick side effects. Now I couldn't stay on the computer for long. Maybe this time just enough to finish this blog. I even asked for offdays from my employers since i couldn't stay up for too long.

And the insatiable hunger and thirst! This is the harder part. Long ago I have learned the art of eating less but feeling full all the time. But now with these meds, it's different. I am always sleepy and hungry and when I've eaten just enough to coat my stomach with food so it wont be damaged by the harsh antibiotics, I get nauseated right after. Which makes me want to sleep again, to control it. All these would have been okay if I won't have to get up to cook my own food, which is a total bummer during my sick days.

The story of my life.

I really want to get that transplant soon!

This gets tiring.